My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
