Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
