Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
