Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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