It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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