Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
