you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
