She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
