You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there's paper in my vomit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
