don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
