A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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