You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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