if you like me you must not know who I am
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
