Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
