So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
