slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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