Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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