Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
