Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
