I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
3pm strippers are depressing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
