I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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