eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
