I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
