i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
