i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
