Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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