my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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