living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
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The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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