Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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