Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
