my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
