i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
