someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
