omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
