I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
