i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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