Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
