I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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