absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
