ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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