Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
