at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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