Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
