How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
