He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
