I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she peed on how many people?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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