You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
