his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
