Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
