Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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