Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
