Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
