I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
