No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
