he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
