You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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