I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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