You're so nebulous sometimes
i already hear my dad disowning me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
