Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
