im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
