I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
