the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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