It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You left your phone here
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