you guys were way drunker than both of me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
NoShamevember. You game?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
