I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
