jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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