i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
