Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
