every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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