remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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