So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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