There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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