Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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