We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
