No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize