Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
