We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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