All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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