my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
