areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
