he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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