his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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