You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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