I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
